Alright, so back up at the shooting range again. I just brought Mackenzie this time just for the sake of being secretive about it. So got a whole bunch of shit to shoot at this time. There's only two gallons of water to hit. Other than that, there's a whole bunch of expired 2 liter sodas that I found in the basement, a bunch of Gatorades and Powerades, and a couple other little subtle things. So if you can see behind me, I'm going to have to really adjust the focus on this thing. I brought targets this time. Reason is because I never really used them yet for the shotgun. I used it with my mom's handgun, but not for the shotguns. Way over there in the distance, I don't think it's in the shot. There's another one that I'm going to try to hit with a slug from pretty much here to the target. See what I can do with that. But I got about 10 slugs. Got to use them wisely. I got more coming today, but wanted to shoot now because it's been like a week. I want to shoot, man. It's been too long. So yeah, we're going to hit the targets first. It's been like a couple minutes on that, and then we'll set up the two liters and all the fun stuff. So let's go. Oh yeah, one more thing. This is the other lens. Last time I had the zoom lens and the lighting and the exposure and all that, the iris settings, for some reason when you're outside, it doesn't like being outside. I don't know why. It just stopped taping for so many fucking shots without me even realizing it. It's just something to do with the exposure and the lighting out here. I have no idea why Canon cameras are like that. That happens inside too. Like if the lighting gets kind of really wonky, it'll stop, which blows. With this lens, I have not had that problem yet, so hopefully I won't with this one this time. But the only downside is I can't zoom with it. So if some shots are blurry and out of focus, too fucking bad. I can't tell by if you find it on the back if it's in focus or not completely. Sometimes it's a little blurry. So anyways, enough yapping from me. Let's shoot. All right, figure it's best to leave this on the side. That way I don't shoot the camera on accident. All right, see that shit? It's stopped anyway. All right, I'm going to show you where I have that other target set up. It's way out yonder. See it? It's out in the trees out there. All right, enough of that. Let's hit this fucker with a slug. Yeah, he's a wrestler as well. That's a really... Man, why are you stopping recording, dude? You're an asshole. All right, the Sierra Mist here. It has almost three and a half years past expiration. Mesh. Mesh. Oh, you know, it's always nice when I don't hit record. Nice. I'm an idiot. That's been established by now. Damn. I don't know if you can see it, but when I hit right through here with the slug, some of these were slugs in the last few were a fuckshot. Nice. That's cool. Okay, we're going to try to hit this target again with some less recoil buckshot or slug, rather. That's a negative, Tori. Just to give the idea of how far away this is. Something dead fly on the back of it. All right, one this time. Nice. He was rotating like crazy. Holy shit. Wow. He got wrecked. Perfect shot. Holy shit. That was better than me. There's like no recoil at all on that. No kick. Beautiful. Here's your answer to what a slug does. My last slug. Yes! Got him. I got him. Oh, I got him. Oh nice, the handle broke when it fell. That's always nice. That's 88 cents right there. Let's see what the fuck shot does to you. That's a mess. I'm gonna try to do bam, pump, pump, bam. See if I can hit them both. Nice and low. That still counts. Well, here's the label. Damn. That's what I'm talking about. Nice. You'll speak attack. Damn. That's not all red. You gotta die. Right. Not a cool trigger, but I didn't. See if I can hit them both. Ow! That went sky high. One shot left. That's a big shock. This is to show you where that other one ended up when I put the two on there at the same time. Right out there, see it? I'm not lying. Alright, so that's all the ammo I have for now. I have a shit ton more at home, but I don't want to go back and come back up. It's pain in the ass. This field is, I'd say about 300, 400, 500 yards from the road. It's a dirt road too, but to get up here, it's a fucking pain in the ass because you gotta go through a little trail. It's like all mud. I almost didn't think I was going to get up here this time. It rained like the last four days, but I really love coming up here. I wish I could come up here every day and shoot. It would be fucking broke. But I just got a whole new round of 250 shells that came in the other day. I just shot about a box and a half of those because I still had stuff left from the last time I was up here. I got a whole other new case of 250 coming on Wednesday and some more slugs coming today. So I'm trying to make it count because I don't have a lot of time to do this. Clutching bag just blew away. See it out there? Wow, that got airborne. Bye bye. Gonna blow away. Gotta go get it. Those less recoil slugs, they look like this. I wish all the buckshot was that easy to shoot. There's no kick at all to it. It lives up to its name, less recoil. But those are nice. Unfortunately, I don't have any left. I didn't order more. I wish I did. But yeah, the other slug I used, that shells all over the place I gotta pick up by the way. This was the other slug. This is also a reduced recoil. Didn't seem that much reduced compared to the other one. But yeah, I fucking love doing this. I love shooting stuff. Wish I got to do it sooner, but such is life. Such is life. So I don't want to say goodbye to you guys. I like talking to you. I don't have too much time to talk to you after today. It's a shame. Last night, I should say yesterday, because I worked night shifts, I was sleeping the day, sleeping the afternoon and the evening. I had a dream that was so fucking real. Cops were coming after me. I guess I was in the supermarket and I don't know for sure. But I had an M with me. As soon as I saw the cop, I bolted around a corner, sat down, put it down, poof. Felt so fucking real. I thought it was. I thought it was the real thing for a second. And then I used the sleep talk recorder. I must have said it in the dream was one of those dreams where you do transitions and you kind of are aware of it. I was like, holy shit or something. Kind of like, wow, that felt like really real. Yeah, I've come to terms with it. It's been on my mind for years and now, once I got this, then once I started using the shotgun enough times, I just kind of desensitized myself to it. I'm not afraid to shoot it. I've long surpassed that. The second time I came up here with my mom, yeah, I was a little kind of like hesitant, because also for one thing, it hurts the shit out of your hands. I'm sure I'm still taping. I am. This was before I put the duct tape on. See the duct tape around the pistol grip? The reason for that is if you haven't seen other videos for me talking about that, is the pistol grip on this thing hurts like a motherfucker after you shoot it. There's these grooves that go in and come out and in and come out, you know, where you put your fingers. That's where your fingers go in so you can get a firm grip on the thing. Well, what ended up happening was my fingers kept getting pinched in those grooves and I had a big fucking blood blister on my pinky finger from it after the first time shooting it. And I'm like, holy fuck, I don't know if I'm going to be able to shoot this thing. Like for practice and stuff, and I did not want to return this thing. Well, not this one. Rachel is the longer one. But yeah, I'm like, oh fuck. Because if it hurt that bad to shoot, then how are you going to practice? You're going to fuck your hand up even worse. So I immediately thought of Eric Harris's gun when you had the duct tape around the grip. So had my mom go back to the house, bring back duct tape, wrap the shit out of it. So, shotguns, yeah, they fucking hurt if you shoot them enough times or if you don't have the proper grip on it. You know, what ends up happening is this, the butt of the gun can end up sliding in between your thumb like this, right in between there. And that happened a few times, like especially when I just did like that, shoot it twice and fast like that, because you're not looking where your hands are. You're not cool if you're just doing that. You don't need to be macho like that. You got to be safe with it too, because you can fucking hurt yourself really bad. But yeah, so duct tape solved the problem. The other thing that probably can happen is right where the strap's supposed to go. If I had one, which I don't, I don't need one, it's fine. You probably can't see. Right here there's an M for Mackenzie, and there's EGS right here. You'll probably never see it. And the light, you can really see it. The bag came back. So yeah, today's May 8th. I just have a month left. You think about it. It's up for debate. I mean, this can change at any time. I've had June 7th or 8th or June 9th or June 10th in my head for the last few weeks, and anything can change that. If I somehow get a lot of the shots done for the massacre video in time, and I have time to work on some more, then I might push the date back a little bit. If, I don't know, my boss is going to quit earlier than that, then I might have to do it sooner. There's a lot that can change this. The other thing is, the week after that is when I have a vacation from work, which I wanted to use for the Westboro High Massacre video to get a lot of shots done. In reality, I can only get two done a night, but you figure like seven or five nights of that. You can get like ten shots done. That's just it. It all just depends how I'm feeling during that span of time. If I'm thinking, yeah, this is it, then the video is just what it is, and that's what it's going to have to be anyways. The video is what it is. I can't crank through it and get the shots done and have it look properly animated. You can't do it like that. I've had the intro to do on top of that. I've had to re-animate the intro parts for comeback song, and there's just too much to do. That's why it would be nice if I had that extra week, but that just might be it. I came to an agreement on one thing. I wanted to do it on a Wednesday. That way there is more people there. That's one thing I came in terms of. I still need to figure out the route I'm going to take. I'll write more on this in the journal, but there's a lot to think about here. I can't just go in and pop, pop, pop. I'm going to plan it out. I've been running this scenario through my head about a hundred sometimes by now. There's just a lot that can change the date of this thing. In a way I firmly believe it will be June 7th. In reality it will be the 8th because it will be past midnight. That's what I'm thinking. It's getting to the point now where I want it to be here. I want to go. I'm tired of envisioning putting that barrel in my mouth and pulling the trigger. Every time I look at that suicide picture of Eric Harrison telling Clee Bull, it's like I just want it to be here already. It's going to be like that. The whole thing is going to be like that. I keep saying it's like the way I see it is I have like five minutes. That's it. I don't know. There's like five or seven houses across the street. You can't tell me they're not going to hear that and say, hey, there's people shooting at that store. That'll totally happen. I got to make every shot count too. You don't get Mulligans with this. You get one shot. Whatever happens, it's fate. It's destiny. We can't control it. It's just simply what it is. I'm just doing what I can. I can't just crank through everything which blows. I'm talking to all these people all the time and I can't tell them what I'm actually doing. Sucks. Can't tell them like, this is the last month you have to talk with me. It's really hard. Part of me just wants to say it, but I can't. I'll ruin the whole thing. So I've been typing out all the emails I'm going to be sending out to people. I typed one for Laura Favrety, James, Hobo Deadfish, Damian, makemeVat35, Hobo, Andrew Blank, and some other people that I can't remember, but trying to get that typed up as soon as I can. It's hard to write those emails to those people. These people that you've talked with for years or half of your life. It's not easy. How do you type it and not sound like a douche about it? For people you're not trying to be a douche to, like Andrew Blank, yeah, I purposely made it douchey because he pissed me off. Don't give a shit about him. He'll be dived soon. People like Laura, I don't even know in person or anything. I just know her through emails and obviously the voiceover she's done for me. But that's only been since September of last year. How do you write these emails to not be a douche and say, hey, I'm fucking killing myself? Obviously it's going to creep people out, but it's life. But yeah, it's just the emails, I just thought of that a month and a half ago. I didn't really plan on doing a million of them, but trying to write as many as I can just for all the people that are important to me or I feel have made a difference and all that. So still got quite a lot to do. Unfortunately, the digital set and everything, the videos I've been uploading on there have been going up pretty damn fast because my internet's a lot faster. But I got all the Black Ops 2 gaming videos on there within three nights, if that. There's so many gaming videos, I'm not going to be able to get them all up there and they're all going up somehow. I'm trying to get all the important stuff up there, but all the Black Ops compilations are on there now. I got the Ghosts, which I'm finishing up now. I got GTA V to do, some worms compilations, maybe some Let's Plays that I did, we'll see. The bulk of what I wanted on there is on there already. Now it's just like the other little essential stuff. There's so many videos I did, how do you pick the ones that are the best? But I'm trying to get as much together as I can while I can. I already got a shit ton of old pictures that I put up there, so that's taken care of. Went through a bunch of old photo albums and everything and found pictures that were essential. Stuff from 1999 even, old stuff. But it feels real, it feels legit. This is it, this is the end of my life. There's no going back, this is it. I got to treat every week as if it's my last. The way I see it is I have just under four weeks. So everything's got to count. I can't get lazy and just lay around and do nothing, which I mean I could for a little while, my mind is always going and telling me you should be uploading stuff or you should be getting stuff together, you should be going through stuff. You know, because once I'm gone, that's it. There's nothing else that's going to go on the internet, you know? That's it. So I have very little time to gather what I need. Fortunately I've been putting stuff on terabyte drives all these years, so it's just a matter of just doing searches through your finder and finding stuff. I put like the final blog TV live stream on there before blog TV went to you now. You know, I think I put the six year stream on there, I might have, maybe not yet. But you know, I'm trying to find all the essential stuff, there's so much I can upload on that thing. And I just want that to be the permanent place for all the stuff, because if something for some reason happens to YouTube or my YouTube channel, if my parents take it down for some fucking weird reason, you know, there's nowhere else to see this stuff. That's it. Unless you have my hard drives, which James is the only one I like offered in the email to give my hard drives to. You know, there's just a lot of stuff. I can't upload at all. So, if you feel that, slow in some change. It's a cold wind. Really has a little breeze out here tonight. I'm gonna bag again. You know. Yeah, I know this is dragging, you know, but I'm just, I'm talking to you while I can. I don't get on the camera like this to talk to you anymore, you know, hardly ever. Just because it's a lot to upload, it's a bigger file size than just audio, you know. It's also a pain in the ass setup. But, yeah. Nothing, I don't view anything the same way anymore. Music is totally different. Like, everything. I can't even explain it. All the songs I just like, totally like reinterpret as to like my death and stuff. Other people like reacting to it in the same way. It's really, really weird. It's just a very odd feeling. Like everyone else is going through life, you know, like 99% of the planet's going through life. Going to their shitty jobs or whatever. Thinking about the future. Thinking about football season coming back. Or thinking what to get for dinner or whatever. Just like, you know, your average everyday stuff. I'm going through everyday thinking this is one of the last times I'll be doing this. Or, you know, I've got a few weeks left and then I'll be gone. Or I'll be looking down on everybody else. Or I'll be in the Go Squad. Or I'll be with Mackenzie. You know. It's totally strange. It's just indescribable. It's a very indescribable feeling. I can't describe it. It's just very strange. And I know that this is it. I know this is the end. This is it. I'm going to make these last few weeks count. What? It's going to be a hell of a story. I can't see anybody remotely picturing me doing something like this. I've also kept the massacre video under wraps because I don't want to say, hey, I'm promoting gun violence and all this shit. I'm trying to keep the threats down to as minimum as I can. Because there'd be no worse thing in the world than being reported to people as a threat days before you're going to do something. Alright. I'm going to wrap this up. I just like talking to you guys. What I've talked to you for years, you know. And this is one of the last times I'll be able to do that. Once I'm gone, I'm just, I'm in the breeze, you know. I'll be able to see me. I doubt it. I'm going to try my damn just to come back. But then I'll see firsthand why spirits can't make their presence known all the time. I'm very interested in seeing why. Because it's my goal to come back. Just do what I want to do. Whether it be good or evil. So, we'll see. This is it. You know. You can't relate to it. Virtually none of you can. None of you can relate to the feelings I've been having. You don't go through your everyday life like they can. I might be alive for a few more weeks than that. You don't. Some of you maybe have come close to going right over the edge. Like been borderline going over the edge. You know, gun to your head or something. But I don't know. I don't ask that type of stuff from my fans. I got to clean up. I got shells all over the place here. And obviously bottles that got blown to shreds. So, obviously I got to go eat dinner before I go to bed too. We'll see. Maybe tacos. Don't really know. So yeah, just wanted to shoot today. I've been dying to get back out here. But the weather has not been cooperating at all. It's been so miserable. Just rain, rain, rain. And fortunately today it didn't rain. So I got up here. But I just want to show you this. Like the view of this place is amazing. Just like look at this. Like it's so peaceful, so quiet. I know it's kind of blurry and out of focus. But I got to put it back on my face in a second. But you know, I'm just surrounded by wilderness. And that's one thing that people will like not understand why. It's like, you know, Andrew, he lived in the perfect neighborhood. Very quiet. No crime. Nothing bad ever happens here. Why did he do this? You know, and I can ask myself the same question. I don't know. I just hate the world. I hate my life. I hate life. I want to get out of here. But like sometimes when I'm just miserable, don't want to do anything, just be on the point of pissed. I'll just go around and drive. I'll drive around my neighborhood. Just around the general like, you know, 15 miles around my house. And I just look out the window. I see all the wilderness here. I see all the woods, all the trees, all the wildlife. And it's like, man, I had it good. You know, it's peaceful, peace and quiet. You hear birds chirping. Yet I'm miserable. You know, this is a great neighborhood. Dallas is a great neighborhood. Back Mountain, it's amazing. If anyone ever does eventually make the trek out here. It's pretty much in the middle of nowhere. But it's a great place. It's a great suburb. I love the suburbs. I hate cities. Never was a city fan ever. Never. Give me peace and quiet and solitude. That's all I want. Alive, anyway. Yeah. It's a beautiful place. And I hope I can come back to it. Not alive, but in spirit. So, alright. I'm gonna go clean up. It's gonna take me about 10 minutes to do it. So, I'll see you guys soon. See you in the next one.